|Polly has spent her entire life writing and has since become a freelancer. She now writes about a variety of topics, from dining and
entertainment to pets and travel. When not writing, she studies linguistics.
|All contents Copyright (Polly Elliott-Lanz, Keeba Smith) or other copyright holders. All rights reserved.
This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed for any commercial purpose.
For the last year or so I have received calls
requesting a couple that I do not know nor have
had the pleasure meeting. Although I tell the
callers that Mr. and/or Mrs. Bays has never lived
here and that I have had the same telephone
number forever and a day, they continue to call.
My husband tells me that I just love to talk to
people even if they are strangers. Given that
fact, I decided to keep the most recent caller on
the telephone by dangling a possible
appointment for a "free" inspection of my home.
This is what happened:
"Hi! I am Jeremy with Alpine Roofing. Am I
speaking with Mrs. Bays?"
"Yes, This is Mrs. Bays."
"Hello Mrs. Bays. We are scheduling
appointments for our technicians to come and
give you a free roof inspection."
"Yes, ma'am. Free. The technician will come to your home and inspect your roof. They will
make an estimate...
"They? How many people are coming? I need to make lemonade. It is awfully hot today. I
was just telling my husband...
"Just one technician ma'am. Can we schedule the appointment?"
"How much did you say it would cost???"
"It's free, ma'am."
"Are you sure? I don't want some questionable item on the bill after they repair the roof or
some kind of hidden charge or something like that."
"No, Ma'am. There is no charge for someone to come out and give an estimate."
"How do I know that? Mrs. Jackson down the street had a 'free' roof inspection two years ago.
And she is still in court arguing the bill."
After a few minutes of me explaining Mrs. Jackson's legal problems, a frustrated Jeremy says,
"As-I-said-it-is FREE. There is NO charge for the estimate. NO CHARGE. Can we set an
appointment for Thursday afternoon?"
"What if I just wanted my dog's roof replaced? Would that be free too?"
"No, ma'am. We only replace the roof on your residence."
(Gotcha! They are ready to replace my roof even before they know I need a new roof!)
With all the sadness I can muster I tearfully plead with Jeremy, "Well my dog is part of my
family! He needs a roof more than me. He watches the house when we are away and keeps
the kids company when there is thunder."
(I am on the brink of tears here)
"My little Spotty DESERVES A new roof!" (sniffling) "And carpet too! Are you telling me that
my baby does not deserve the best home, that I, his mommy can give him?" What kind of
people are you?!?!!"
Sadly, Jeremy does not realize how important my nonexistence "Spotty" is to me, but more
importantly, he still does not realize that Mr. and Mrs. Bays never lived here.